Hey, you’re back! The suspense was killin’ ya  huh? P!nk was no doubt fabulous, but that was followed by a short nap and then it was dash off to Florida! So, imagine a lump of no energy with a pony tail, sunglasses and what seemed like 250 pounds of carry-on bags being propelled by only caffeine thru O’hare.  It was early Sunday morning and pretty sparse with travelers until I got to security where the line, moving at a snail’s pace, concerned me.

Finally, it was my turn to pass through security – shoes off, laptop in the bin, no earrings, no belt – I was sure I was not going to be the annoying hold-up. Everything seemed fine until I stepped out of the security x-ray only to be met by a few very serious TSA faces.

Apparently, I sounded the alarm with my substantial underwire and I required some serious inspection.  There was hushed conversation and a hearty chuckle between the security lady and her cohort, until finally they asked that I “Please step aside, ma’am.” Oy, really? Then came the rubber gloves and the public feel-up. My favorite moment beyond the feel-up came in loud and proud when my TSA date stated “Honey, you have some good foundation on today!”  What the? Really????

Once my face returned to its normal shade of pasty white, I went to grab my stuff off the belt and boom… my carry-on was flagged for further inspection.  If you could have seen my face. Again, really?  Was this some sort of candid-camera moment? Why me? The guy behind me was definitely more sketchy looking and I think they let him go thru with his belt and metal sunglasses on his head… This was not fair! At this point, my far-flung gate was going to take a sprint to get to on time.  They opened my bag and found my little lady shaver had somehow turned on. Yes, my bag was vibrating. And yes, I swear, it was a shaver.  After being sufficiently humiliated, I was released to sprint to get to my flight. I was quite the sight, dragging my luggage as it flipped and curved and bags fell off my arm. Finally, I made it on to the plane just in time! And with that, it was time to snooze for two and a half hours… or so, I thought.

I ended up centered as a pillow for two big dudes…one of whom snored. So, it was no sleep, spilled coffee for me. But it can only get better from here right?

After the plane landed, I began my search for the rental car place, only to realize it was one of the off premise places. Ugh…Super excited to go from my crazy morning and get right into an airport shuttle to the rental office, not! By the way, this is one of my least favorite things to do. I am a little diva-ee, I will admit it. I super dislike riding on shuttle busses and I plan my life around never having to do so. So, as you can imagine, I was particularly irritated about it this morning, but with no other options, I shrugged it off and got on the shuttle to the rental car area, where I proceeded to pick up the tiniest of cars. It was cute though, the littlest of little go-carts of a car which was hilarious to me because I drive a giant truck for my car-pooling, grocery-getting day job. In this little car, I was completely intimidated by regular size cars… and next to a truck, I was afraid I was going to be squashed like a little bug!  Nevertheless, my wind-up car did not deter me as I had a picnic on the beach with my Florida foodie gal pals waiting for me!

Thru my swollen, tired eyes I Google-mapped my destination, which showed I was only one hour to fun. The only thing is, I am directionally challenged and usually have to allow for an extra half hour for missteps.  So… one and a half hours to fun!

After I passed her house no less than 10 times, I had finally arrived at Josee’s swank, Florida water-side home. It was just lovely!  Once her poodles gave me the once over (apparently, you don’t look them directly in the eye or your ankles are at risk of being gnawed), I was allowed to come enter.

Woot!  I was finally there! Hugs all around! I was super excited to be hanging with all the ladies and their prize-winning tasty starters.  Josee immediately served me a mimosa, which was just what I needed to bring me out of my travel fog.  Then she laid out her famous smoked fish dip! Lucky, lucky, happy, happy!

Whew, I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted after recalling all that whacky travel. Let me get my energy back and I’ll tell you more about my stay. Come back next week to hear about our boat trip in the gulf, some prize-winning food, our lunch on the beach, how one of the poodles had a near death experience in the ocean, and most importantly, I got a gem of nap right in the sand (oh, it felt soooo good!).

Exciting stuff on the way for these food-sport fanatics!